Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Going it alone

It would be nice to always see the beauty of life for it is always there if you look for it. No2's genuine effort to help me with the morning routine...a little act of kindness and the simple request to note how good he was. This is pure sweetness. Meanwhile No3 was howling in the background. Her socks were on wrong..or something equally mundane. I am the adult so I should be able to ignore or cope or deal with it. But I sometimes find I cannot. Howling is such an ugly sound when it goes on for more than 15 minutes and eventually it grinds me down. The normal Me would just diffuse it but the glowering, martyred, abandoned Me feels nothing but black. So I yell at her. This was not how it was meant to be. Motherhood was meant to have been more tolerant. Once again I have left myself and the children down. I pin the blame on my husband. This is week number seven (out of a projected twenty) of solo parenting Monday - Friday and after a stint last year of 6 months where he was abroad, I am sick of it. It is hard to be tolerant when you exist in constantly exhausted state.